And so it begins......AGAIN!

Yup....I am still alive.  I haven't really been living, but I am still breathing in and out.  It has been almost a year since I went to the hospital with Viral Meningitis and Encephalitis.  The Meningitis hurt, but the Encephalitis has taken away my life.  The damage was small...so small that you can't see it on a CT scan or an MRI.  So small that the medical community has set me aside with a pat on the head and a basket full of medications.  I have been left to sort through the wreckage of what was once an incredibly active life.
I have spent the last year of my life on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, blood pressure meds, anti-seizure meds, pain pills, and nose sprays trying to find some relief from the headache that the encephalitis created on the 3rd of February 2011.  Yup...I have had a migraine-like headache non-stop, every day, all day for an entire year.  Sucks to be me.  *L*
I also have a touch of the dumb.  :)  I have some short term memory issues, and some word recall issues.  Reading a book is quite a fiasco.  I have read and re-read to remind myself what the story line is.  Sometimes I remember, sometimes I don't.  I forget the story lines of TV shows, I forget conversations I had with my husband yesterday, I forget what I wore the day before, I forget that I have told my daughter things that need to be done.  I can't remember when my doctor's appointments are.  I can't remember if I've taken my medications.  I was sure all these little things would come back as time went on.  Looks like for now....I am incredibly forgetful and very dependent on the calendar on my cell phone, the calendar on  my Nook, the calendar my husband prints out for me and hangs in the kitchen, and my husband (who has a terribly memory *L*).  Losing my memory can be worked around.  I can relearn things.  I can take notes.  I just have to get used to the fact that I can't remember things....cause I was always the one who know when the bills were due, when the appointments were.
Ok, so where am I going with this....no where really.....just getting this whole blog thing rolling again.  I have a plan I think.  My hope is to be off all of my medications by the end of the year.  I am far too young to be taking all these pills.  There has to be a better way to take care of myself.  And so begins my search to find that better way.

What the hell just happened??

This is what feeling
like crap looks like!!

I have the best husband EVER!!
He painted my toenails so my feet
would be pretty!

Well, my whole world has been given quite a good and truly unexpected shake.  On the 1st of February I got out of bed and started my day just like every other day, and by lunchtime I had a little headache.  I took some Ibuprofen and went about my business....the headache only got worse.  I went to bed at 9pm in hopes of waking up in the morning headache-free.....I didn't sleep but a few minutes off and on that night and started to have a little fever.  I was sound and light sensitive, and my head was POUNDING.  I stayed home from work, as did my husband.  We went to the doctor to get treatment for what we thought was a migraine.  I got some shots of pain meds and anti nausea meds and they told me to go home and sleep and I would feel better when I woke up....they were wrong.  By 9:30 that night I was sure I was dying, so off we went to the ER.  7 hours and a spinal tap later I was admitted to the hospital for Viral Meningitis and Encephalitis.  I spent 7 days in the hospital.  I don't remember very much of the ER visit or the first couple of days in the hospital.  From what I understand, about 70% of people who get encephalitis and are untreated DIE!!  What the hell?  And of the 30% that survive only about 2% come out of it with very little or not mental problems.  Looks like someone is watching out for me, because I seem to be one of the very lucky 2%....I am so grateful for that.  I think I would have rather used my "good luck" to win the lottery, but I'll take being alive and fully functioning!  

PICC Line...the quickest way to a girls heart!
45 cm of blue tubing

I am home now, with a PICC Line and a fridge full of anti-viral medication bags. My husband comes home at lunch every day to help me administer. I have home health care coming once a week to make sure everything is going ok.
I don't know what happens now. Everyone keeps asking how I'm feeling and it's so hard to describe. I feel better....better than I did when I was first admitted to the hospital. But I don't feel good. How long is that going to last? My headache is not nearly as bad as it was when this started....but it's still there, sort of hovering at the edges. My eyes ache all the time. I'm exhausted all the time. Doing the smallest thing leads to a 4 hour nap. I can't focus on any one thing. I am living one nap to the next...one dose of meds to the next.
I had a doctors appointment yesterday...my biggest fear was that she wouldn't believe me when I told her all these things. I feel like I should be better...I should be 100%. I feel like I should be bouncing back and my life will go back to normal, like it does after I have a cold. It hasn't and I'm frustrated.  So, my doctor decided that, while I am getting better, she would be more comfortable keeping me on the anti-viral medication via IV for one more week.  I guess I can live with that.
Your life can be changed drastically and instantly with no warning!!  Tell the people you care about that they are important and that you love them as often as you can and don't get caught up in petty meaningless crap...life is very very short!

Hospital hand puppets.  This is what you get to do when you're in isolation!