Oh how things change.

So, here I am...one month out from my little elbow rubbing with Meningitis and Encephalitis.  I haven't gone back to work yet.
I feel "wrong".  I have no other way to describe it.  I find myself staring off into space with my mouth open while my life happens around me.  I'm tired.  I feel different than I did before this happened.  I feel like I should be able to bounce back like I do after a cold.  But I feel different.  I feel panicked.  I feel tired.  I feel uninterested.
Like I said, my life is happening around me.  My husband is having a conversation with our oldest son about Dungeons and Dragons.  My youngest daughter is in my craftroom sewing something...without my help.  My 18 year old son went to Spokane for the weekend.  My other daughter turned 20 years old today.  My life is happening around me.
I haven't seen any friends since the hospital.  It happens like that...the emergency is passed so my friends go on with their lives.  I should be going on with mine, but I'm not.  I sit here in my recliner feeling like crap, watching my life happen without me and feeling like crying all the time.
I don't know how to fix it.  I don't know what kind of help to ask for since I don't really know what's wrong.

Here's hoping for some better days.

Things are moving slowly!

I'm starting my third week of anti-viral medication and my third week off work.  In theory it sounds great to say I sure wish I could stay home in my jammies and sleep as often as I want....in reality it's booooooring.  Not that I'm feeling rushed to get back to work or anything, but the medication schedule is a little trying.  I get my meds by PICC line three times a day....6am, 2pm, and 10 pm....every single day.  I will be done with that Wednesday night.  I'm looking forward to sending my iv pole and pump back to the hospital....I am NOT looking forward to having my PICC line removed.  *L*
I've been doing a tiny bit of sewing.  Prior to getting sick I had signed up for three craft swaps on Craftster.org.  I finished up one swap (mug rugs...so cute....little quilts used as coasters...love them).  The second is a post-apocalyptic swap.  This one is taking more time than I had anticipated.  I am my own worst critic, so several of the projects I'm working on for this have been restarted, taken apart and recrafted.  The last swap is a roller derby swap...because I long to be a roller derby girl!  *L*
THEN, my husband and daughter are going to an anime convention in April...they go every year.  They are trying to talk me into going with.  My husband is putting together a steampunk outfit for himself....I told him I'd help by sewing him a coat and a vest.  My daughter changes her mind every other day on what anime character she'd like to be.

Here's a picture of the costume I made for her last year....

This is what I used as reference

Poor kid was soo sick, but she'd paid for her
convention ticket so she was going to go...no matter WHAT!!

She wore it all weekend and got her picture taken A LOT!

What the hell just happened??

This is what feeling
like crap looks like!!

I have the best husband EVER!!
He painted my toenails so my feet
would be pretty!

Well, my whole world has been given quite a good and truly unexpected shake.  On the 1st of February I got out of bed and started my day just like every other day, and by lunchtime I had a little headache.  I took some Ibuprofen and went about my business....the headache only got worse.  I went to bed at 9pm in hopes of waking up in the morning headache-free.....I didn't sleep but a few minutes off and on that night and started to have a little fever.  I was sound and light sensitive, and my head was POUNDING.  I stayed home from work, as did my husband.  We went to the doctor to get treatment for what we thought was a migraine.  I got some shots of pain meds and anti nausea meds and they told me to go home and sleep and I would feel better when I woke up....they were wrong.  By 9:30 that night I was sure I was dying, so off we went to the ER.  7 hours and a spinal tap later I was admitted to the hospital for Viral Meningitis and Encephalitis.  I spent 7 days in the hospital.  I don't remember very much of the ER visit or the first couple of days in the hospital.  From what I understand, about 70% of people who get encephalitis and are untreated DIE!!  What the hell?  And of the 30% that survive only about 2% come out of it with very little or not mental problems.  Looks like someone is watching out for me, because I seem to be one of the very lucky 2%....I am so grateful for that.  I think I would have rather used my "good luck" to win the lottery, but I'll take being alive and fully functioning!  

PICC Line...the quickest way to a girls heart!
45 cm of blue tubing

I am home now, with a PICC Line and a fridge full of anti-viral medication bags. My husband comes home at lunch every day to help me administer. I have home health care coming once a week to make sure everything is going ok.
I don't know what happens now. Everyone keeps asking how I'm feeling and it's so hard to describe. I feel better....better than I did when I was first admitted to the hospital. But I don't feel good. How long is that going to last? My headache is not nearly as bad as it was when this started....but it's still there, sort of hovering at the edges. My eyes ache all the time. I'm exhausted all the time. Doing the smallest thing leads to a 4 hour nap. I can't focus on any one thing. I am living one nap to the next...one dose of meds to the next.
I had a doctors appointment yesterday...my biggest fear was that she wouldn't believe me when I told her all these things. I feel like I should be better...I should be 100%. I feel like I should be bouncing back and my life will go back to normal, like it does after I have a cold. It hasn't and I'm frustrated.  So, my doctor decided that, while I am getting better, she would be more comfortable keeping me on the anti-viral medication via IV for one more week.  I guess I can live with that.
Your life can be changed drastically and instantly with no warning!!  Tell the people you care about that they are important and that you love them as often as you can and don't get caught up in petty meaningless crap...life is very very short!

Hospital hand puppets.  This is what you get to do when you're in isolation!

I have the best husband!!!

My husband and I have been married for 9 years on Valentine's Day.  Every single year that we've been married he does a 14 day countdown from the 1st to the 14th.  The first year was a card a day, each with a different reason why he loves me and wanted to marry me!  He's an artist, so one year I got 14 dragon pictures that he turned into a book for me http://www.lulu.com/product/file-download/a-book-of-dragons/2203036?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/5.

This morning I found this on the dashboard of my car....frozen solid I might add *L*.....

See...BEST husband in the whole world!!

On a completely different topic, my family participates in the SCA, or Society for Creative Anachronism www.sca.org if you're interested.  It's a medieval recreation group.  Yeah, I know....I'm a big ol' dork!  *L*
Anyway...my 18 year old son went to an event this weekend...he got to put on his armor and fight lots and lots and LOTS of really good fighters....he came home with a whole lot of bumps and bruises.  This is his favorite one.....

My son is the one in the blue on the right

Kenneth...standing in the center....first time on the field

Yup...I actually let my child get hit with sticks...and he likes it!!  Loves it in fact!!!